Purple Dildo of Dramatic Discipline
by Tenneko Kazeno
Summary: This is a short story answering a challenge made by Alzipher and is not to be taken seriously.


Purple Dildo of Dramatic Discipline

The Purple Dildo of Dramatic Discipline (P3D), not a phrase you would expect to hear, well anywhere (outside a sex shop anyway), yet alone a sleepy little village. Yet the village this device originated from was anything but normal. While the village itself was the picture perfect small town, bakery and all, the people living in it were… not.

You see, the people of this village (with its large park and easily navigated streets) had carried on a tradition past down from the founding of their village. They were all fanfiction writers, some of the best even. Hell, some people even claim Skysaber and Metroanime had been born and raised in this very spot.

From the youngest (well second youngest, after all its quite difficult to write at two years old), to the oldest (99 years old and still writing) each and every villager took up the mantle of Fanfiction Writer. The town hall was even altered with big drawing tables were they could sit and hash out ideas to each other, there were even fold out stands by every tree in the park (incase a rare someone was inspired to write by the nature around them rather than the computer in front of them).

Sadly, this made our quant little village the target of the most hated thing in fanfiction, The Flamer. When the Flamers first started showing up, the villagers didn't care. They just brushed off their comments and went on writing as always. It wasn't long though until the Flamers began to get to the people, destroying their own beliefs in their writings and even some stopped writing just to avoid hearing the poison spewed by the Flamers.

Finally, the village decided something had to be done. First they tried putting up warnings in their stories (after all, who would read something they don't like?) this just seemed to give the Flamers more ammunition to use against the people. Next they tried walls and banning the Flamers, but this just lead to more Flamers sneaking in and damaging the work of the villagers. Enough was enough, if the Flamers wanted violence, they would give it to them.

One of the first ideas thrown out was stoning the Flamers out of the village, but the people wanted to embarrass the idiots, not hurt them. Eventually they came to the Pink Pony of Terrifying Proportions (PPTP). The PPTP was quickly dropped when they realized most Flamers enjoyed riding the monstrous thing out of town. Other such things failed in surprisingly similar manners, such as what they called Flames on Rye which consisted of rapping the Flamer up in a brown rug and pushing them down the highest hill they could find (this lead to said Flamer running back up the hill and asking to go down again).

It seemed that every embarrassing thing the villagers could think of to get the Flaming Idiots (FIs, not to be confused with SIs) to leave just made them want to stay more and every villager was quite fed up with the FIs. That is until one pissed of writer threw her old purple dildo which just happened to be sitting beside her as she listened to the FI. It hit him in the chest and he gave off a scream which would have made a banshee cringe. He immediately tossed the thing to the ground, back stepping quickly away before turning around and running out of the village. The girl took the old dildo to the village Mayor and explained the weird event she had witnessed. By the end, the Mayor was smiling a smile the Devil would have been proud of. Immediately he ordered the mass production of the now renamed Purple Dildo of Dramatic Discipline. Every person in the village was soon armed with a P3D and ready for the next FI stupid enough to enter their home.

/0\

Gary Drew (not to be mixed up with Gary Stew cause what self respecting Flamer would name themselves that) was quite bored and decided to check out the little town his friends from the Fellow Flamers United (FFU) had spoken so highly of (about how easy it was to mess with). To his surprise he did not run it the wall, or the signs or even a welcoming parity (all of which he had been forewarned of). Instead he found empty streets and quiet houses.

By this point poor FI Gary was very confused, where were all the easy marks, all the people he could force to listen to his drivel. Suddenly he heard what sounded like drums beating out a simple rhythm, 1 2 3, 1 2 3. Spinning around he tried to pinpoint the sound until he finally noticed the rather large quantity of people (in quality versus quantity, you must realize quantity has a quality all of its own) marching straight towards him. That's not what truly startled him though, no that was reserved for the large purple THINGS they were holding above their heads.

Gary stayed frozen in fear right up until one of the villagers shouted, "There he is, get him." He of course immediately bolted around the corner and into the nearest house that was open. Slamming the door shut as he dived in may not have been the smartest thing to do, but it made him feel a little better. Until the person standing behind him tapped him on the shoulder with one of those purple monstrosities. Shrieking in fear (and drawing attention to the house), he dived out the nearby window, only to find himself before an even larger mob than before, each holding a P3D. From behind him out walked the girl who had tapped him, blocking off that escape and leaving him only one route.

As the mob slowly closed in around him, he jumped up and ran through the thinnest part. As he pushed through, each person to their turn to whack him with their P3Ds. Once through, he found himself facing the entrance and immediately took off through it while screaming, "Wah, I'm neva comin bac to dis hell ole agan."

The girl stepped forward and took a deep breath. "Hmm, I love the smell of Flamers in the morning." Once the other villagers stopped laughing at the FI, they turned to her. "So, what do we do now, Alzipher?" She grinned up at them, "The same thing we do every night Pinky, try and take over Fanfiction."

Authors Notes: Okay for anyone confused by this, this was an attempt at answering a small challenge made by Alzipher. I do not own either Alzipher, Skysaber or Metroanime but all three are excellent writers even though sadly metro doesn't write anymore.


End file.
